The toughest thing.

The toughest thing you’ve ever been through, is the TOUGHEST thing you’ve ever been through.

I remember hearing this in high school. It clearly stuck with me, as things that seem so obviously true often do, and I’ve thought of it often since then.

There is no point in comparing your own struggles with someone else’s. We all have different cards to play in life, and we all have different perspectives on those cards. But if the hardest thing you’ve ever faced is the not getting into the university you had your heart set on, and someone else’s is cancer, that doesn’t make your struggle less relevant, or less important. It’s the toughest thing YOU have ever faced. It’s your measuring stick. That’s not something to be embarrassed about or shamed for.

It may sound like what I’m saying is the old ‘don’t compare your life to others’, ‘the grass isn’t always greener on the other side’ etc. All that is true, but really what I’m really trying to get at is to not diminish your own experience just because it’s not as ‘big’ as someone else’s. If it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever faced, then it’s no small thing for you. And if anyone makes you feel like it is a small thing, you might want to consider pointing this out to them.

To bring all this back to pregnancy, babies and parenting, it doesn’t matter what ‘type’ of baby you have, what your birth experience was like, whether this is your first or third or sixth baby, it’s all hard. Just because someone’s baby doesn’t have silent reflux, or a tongue tie, or whatever, doesn’t mean a new parent has it easy. All babies are hard work. Learning new skills like parenting and breastfeeding are hard work. There are tough days. Some days might be the toughest you’ve ever experienced, and that’s ok. You don’t have to pretend to love every minute. You’re still a good parent.

Rachel Angelone is the founder of Your birth Your baby and is a Lamaze Certified Childbirth Educator and Postpartum Doula based in Melbourne. Rachel offers independent childbirth and early parenting education to pregnant families before baby arrives. Once your baby is Earth-side, she offers practical and emotional in-home support as you adjust to your new life as parents. She is also a loving wife and mother to two young girls.

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